Gamblers Anonymous

Happy Tuesday readers!

This weekend I allowed myself to be duped again into gambling at the casinos in Atlantic City.  Every time I pull that shiny black lever or  bet on lucky number 19 at the roulette table, (which by the way was ridiculously UNlucky) visions of quitting my job, traveling the world and starting my own puppy farm start materializing in my head only to be smashed to bits when I lose my last dollar.

I am on sensory overload as I walk down the intentionally intricate and colorful carpeting at the Hilton Casino.  Casinos are purposely mazelike without any type of time keeping whatsoever.  It’s like time stands still when your in there, I half expect a Langolier  to come and gobble me up whole when I lose sense of day and time like that.

I wanted to play the Star Trek slots soo bad but a 90 something year old woman would just NOT abscond her seat. Disappointed, I left my geriatric gambling companions and William Shatner to find the quarter Wheel of Fortune slots, which my good friend Maureen won $100 on once.  So why wouldn’t I? WRONG!  $60 later I leave frustrated, not even ONE spin. 

Next is the Zeus penny slots.  Why wouldn’t I get a little lucky, I am Greek after all.  Wrong again!  The darn machines start buzzing and glowing like you’ve just won a million bucks when in reality it was more like 5 cents. 

Blackjack and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Roulette was kind once; I hit one number, and then consecutively lost every number drawn.  A 60 year old Asian man came and sat right next to me with some sort of written notebook chart detailing all the odds of every number hitting.  Hmmmm.  I followed him for a few rounds until I lost my last minimum bet of $5.00.  Note to self: Never assume that ANYONE knows how to cheat or figure out the system.  If that was possible, there would be a lot more millionaires and a lot less casinos.

I always leave casinos with a headache.  Not too sure whether it’s because I am completely stressed out over losing all of my money or the fact that the place makes me so absolutely dizzy that I get the spins.

Then as I am in the bathroom practically retching, a cheery voice comes on over the PA system encouraging people to call 1-800-Gamblers if they think they have a problem.  I instantly hate this place all the more.

You won this round AC.  Which is pretty ironic since the odds are against you when you gamble, but AC manages to win every time.