A Lesson Learned

Don’t fix something when it’s not broken.  Let me tell you why.  Almost two months ago I went for my second facial ever.  I loved it.  I enjoyed it so much that I was even suckered into buying the face care products that my facial hygienist raved about. “Dis exfoliant is wunderful becuz it removes de dead skin cells from your face; you can actually feel it eating away all of de impurities in your skin,” said my heavily accented Russian beautician. 

What the hell, why not?  $65.00 later I walk away from the Hilton Grotto Spa with a product called Oasis Rejuvenating Exfoliant, which sat planted firmly on my shelf collecting dust until about a week ago.  It’s that time of the month when my face was breaking out ever so subtlety, and I thought maybe my new, fancy-smancy exfoliant would stop that breakout before it started.  Hesitant to try it all over my face, I restricted application of the clear liquid to only my chin. 

The directions say apply a layer of Oasis Rejuvenating Exfoliant, (for all skin types) on your skin and let it sit for 15 minutes.  After that time, apply moisture and go about your day.  After a few minutes my chin starts to burn.  Well, the lady said that would happen,” I thought.  After 10 minutes it feels pretty bad, so I decided to wash it off.  Only after I washed the liquid off, my chin was still burning.  HOLY CRAP WHY IS IT STILL BURNING?!  I sprint to the mirror to look at my firey chin.  Where once was skin, now was a faint outline of red, raised flesh.  Not unlike turf burn.  I put my chin in the running, cool water of the sink faucet to help satiate the burning sensation.  No good.  I tried aloe vera, Neosporin, and Bacitracin.  I even resorted to carrying a cup of milk around with my chin dipped inside, (Okay, so my rationale here was I needed a base to neutralize the acid, and you know what; it did the trick for a while). 

I go to bed angry at myself for freaking out about an almost non-existent blemish on my face and taking such drastic measures.  When I awoke the next morning, I grabbed a mirror with the careful hesitation and precise movements of that Joker scene in Batman, when he unveils his new face.  Only instead of laughing at what I saw I started crying.  A nice big scab had formed around my chin.  It looked so bad that my brother, who doesn’t notice new haircuts, new clothes, different nails, or dropped lbs, even commented, “what the fuck happened to your face?!” The horror. 

I go to work and find myself explaining the situation over and over again to every inquiring coworker.  I stare oddly at the ones that don’t comment what’s on my chin because man, if that was something left over from breakfast they wouldn’t even tell me?!  One of the older guys at work pulled me over, and covertly whispered, “I have something for that, I’ll be right back,” and disappeared from sight.  What the hell?  He returned 20 minutes later with a small bottle of Oxido de Zinc.  “I picked this stuff up in Mexico, it’s illegal there and you need prescriptions for it here, it will take the sting outta that burn”.  At this point I'll try anything.  Since milk wasn’t quite doing the trick I slobbed on some of the heavy, chalky white cream on my face. The directions were all in Spanish so I couldn’t even decipher how to use the Mexican concoction.  I work with teens, so I endured a lot of snickering, snide remarks and sideways glances from many of the prepubescent youngsters.  Awesome.

To top off my already insecure mindset, my friend’s ex boyfriend, who I haven’t seen in almost a year, waltzes in through the doors.  Granted, it’s my friend’s ex, but still I did not want to look like scar face on the one and only time I see him in a year.  Damnit why doesn’t my hair shield this? Then, as if purposely synchronized, ghostface killa of WuTang, (God I feel stupid writing that) walks in right behind him and stares awkwardly at my chalk face.  There’s nothing like tons of teens, gym juiceheads and famous rappers staring at your self-inflicted wound to make you feel great about yourself. 

Thankfully, 6 days later, my chin has healed.  I don’t think there is any scarring but ladies and gents, be forewarned, don’t fix something that isn’t broken!  My skin is not bad at all; I could have spared myself this whole big embarrassment and saved $65.00.  Thank God I didn’t use it all over my face.  I also will never be going to the Hilton Grotto Spa again and nor will I ever be buying any of Shira Cosmetics, Inc. products. And, if you were one of those people that saw me during this 6 day mental torturefest and didn’t say anything I can’t wait to find food in your teeth, so I can say nothing at all.