Amanda Gets Stitches!

As I was leaving work at 5:00pm today I got a call from a nasally-sounding, weeping sister.  “Can you come take me to the hospital?  I think I need stitches.” I fly from work in the pouring rain, wondering what type of condition I am going to find Mandy in.  For those of you who know her, you probably already are aware of how hysterical she can get when she’s upset.  She is the living embodiment of Murphy’s Law, representing all that can go wrong, probably will.

I am weaving in and out of traffic and debating which hospital to take her to.  The North site is probably the best hospital on Staten Island, but there’s bound to be a 6 hour wait.  I decide on the South site, which is on Seguine, as the car retches to a stop in front of her driveway.  I bolt up the stairs and throw open the door to find Mandy cradling her head.  Thank goodness the tears have subsided.  She had a gash just above the middle of her right eyebrow that had the uncanny resemblance to that of Scar’s from the Lion King.

“I was pulling things off the shelf and Justin’s stupid Humidor fell off and hit me in the head”.  I recently just discovered what a humidor is.  It’s a fancy smancy term for a cigar box.  Supposedly it keeps the cigars at a perfect temperature or something.  So picture Mandy, scaling the shelves pulling on something and this giant wooden, humidor box flies down and bounces off her head.  The image cracks me up inside.  The bleeding had stopped but for cosmetic reasons I voted we go to the hospital to get her professionally stitched up, (for those of you familiar with the horrific hatchet job SI North did on her knee after the High Rock Challenge you would want to see a plastic surgeon as well). 

Kaylee, my 22 month niece, kept looking at her mom with this adorable look of concern on her face and kept  saying “booboo”.  We piled into the car and made our way to Hylan Blvd.  At first, we stopped at the Staten Island Physican’s Care, (it’s the urgent care center, you probably know it better by the little sick sun icon with a thermometer in its mouth).  If you ever need an immediate plastic surgeon, do not go there, they do not have one on staff.   So Seguine it is.  When we arrive Mandy’s feeling quite nauseous, (I assume she has a slight concussion).  To my delight there are zero people in the waiting room.

I walked into Mandy’s emergency room and see a little boy, about 3 years old, clinging to his mom and dad in the bed adjacent to Mandy’s.  The boy needed stitches after suffering from a fall at home.  Mandy was sent up for a CT SCAN and I passed time by chatting with the parents next door.  Kaylee was unbelievably unruly, and my OCD was ticking furiously as I pulled her away from touching every hospital surface in sight.  I would have loved to put her in a plastic bubble for the 3+ hours we spent there.

The parents next door said that they were friends with an excellent plastic surgeon, who was called in specifically to stitch their son up.  What luck!  We waited for hours for him to arrive, and when he finally did he had no problem sewing Mandy up as well.  

The whole reason I decided to blog about this was because when Mandy got the initial shots of novcocaine to her eyebrow, (which I admit was painful to watch because she was squirming and owwing a lot) her WHOLE EYEBROW BLEW UP.  The only image I can compare it to would be the scene from the the movie “Land of the Lost” with Will Ferrell.  When Will gets bit by the mosquito and turns around the next day to put his shirt on and all you see is a giant swollen mountain of red flesh, that was Mandy’s eyebrow.  So now this surgeon is trying to stitch her eyebrow back together again and I just start laughing hysterical.  Mandy notices me laughing and then she starts laughing because she knows how ridiculous she must look.  The doctor is trying to get me to stop so Mandy will cease moving but I am doubled over from laughing.  In between breathes I joke that it’s an improvement, and Mandy chimes in “will this affect my modeling career?”   The astute doctor looked bewildered.  Mandy received 7 stitches. 

Of course I am including the money shot, however it simply just does not due the actual image justice.  It literally was a horn on her head.  

When we left the hospital it was around 8:30pm.  We stopped by the College of Staten Island so Mandy could show her professor why she missed class that night.  When he saw her, all he did was shake his head and say, "the things students will do to get out of class".

On Time Spent Alone

On this crisp, fall morning I decided to walk the pups in Cloves Lake Park.  I love the way the air smells so fresh and the way the leaves crunch under my feet.  My bottom scrapper pooches relish jumping in and out of piles of leaves and chasing squirrels.  It’s exhausting trying to keep their retractable leashes not intertwined, and for the life of me I will never understand why, when chasing a squirrel, Jub Jub will not just look up when it scurries up a tree.  Instead, he has this quizzical look on his face as he searches the circumference of the tree.  So, today’s blog is an assortment of random thoughts that resulted from my time spent alone.

During the week I was speaking with a fellow colleague who had just returned from maternity leave.  “How’s the baby, how are you doing,” yada yada yada.  Out of curiosity for my future reference, I asked what our organization’s maternity benefits are.  She laughed, stating we pretty much have none.  WHATTT?!  I asked her to elaborate.  Basically, you get three unpaid months.  UNPAID.  I have a girlfriend who lives in Canada and her maternity leave consists of one year approved absence while the company matches 60% of her salary until she returns.  I assumed ours would be somewhat similar, (although definitely not for the duration of one year). 

Here’s the double whammy, since you are not generating any revenue while you are out, you have to send in checks every month to keep your health coverage in good standing.  So, basically my organization is telling me, congratulations!  You are having a baby, which is a huge expense, so to show our support we are not going to pay you a dime while you are out, and oh, you have to pay us while you are away to keep your health benefits.  It stands to reason that no person in their right mind (and if you were a single parent forget about it) would willingly choose to have a baby and forfeit a salary in order to pay rent, bills, etc.  How backwards is that?!  Ladies, I suggest you check out your company’s maternity benefits because I am absolutely shocked over how unjust this is.  At a time when money matters the most, it seems like I will be neglected…

What I would have to do, to beat the system, is go out on short term disability, and even then they pay a fraction of your salary, (which I think for me it would be better to just go out on unemployment).  I can save my sick and vacation days and use that for a portion of my leave but frankly that stinks, and then technically you can still be called concerning various problems seeking answers at your job, which I would undoubtedly feel guilty enough to oblige.  Ladies, also inquire what happens to your retirement funds and your 401, (or in my case 403b) savings accounts, do they still grow?  Remain stagnant or frozen?  Begin accruing again when you return?    

One of my dogs just got tangled in a branch.  Hilarious.  The leaves camouflaged it’s twigs so when my dog ran full speed into the leaves she freaked out when the branch popped up.          

My mind floats to other injustices incurred over the week….

My kindle.  This wretched, wretched device.  I had returned my original kindle because it broke within 9 months of purchase.  Now, two weeks after receiving my replacement kindle, that is now malfunctioning.  I don’t understand how a company can manufacture a device that is so delicate and unreliable.  As a consumer I buy into the hype, actually getting excited about this new avant garde way of reading, with all its bells and whistles, only to be disappointed when I realize it has less durability than fine china.  A friend on facebook advised me it could be because of the leather protective jacket that I have on the actual kindle because the same thing happened to her.  So, basically, Amazon has created a cover for its product that actually causes it to malfunction, awesome.  I feel like paperback books are somewhere off in a dusty, old library laughing at me.   Now begins the arduous task of complaining, again, to Kindle customer service.  I would rather just ask for a refund but this was a gift so I am stuck in a never ending cycle of returns. 

These dogs never get tired.  They seem to enjoy crisscrossing their wires and running mindlessly into each other.  I love these critters so much.  There is nothing more enjoyable than walking them in the park and observing their innocent behavior, while contemplating to myself.  Even though the things irking my brain are frustrating, it's still good to be able to mull over them in solitude.  I think it’s important for everyone to be able to have 30 minutes to themselves, if anything just for a walk in the park.

Good Evening Mr. Senator!

Good afternoon readers!

I wanted to share with you a very special guest appearance I had last night at work.  State Senator Andrew Lanza came to speak to over 60 of my teens in my Friday night program.  Andrew Lanza spoke to the teens about how the federal and state governments’ work, what his job entails and the bill he’s introducing this year which is to make the tolls by the Port Authority bridges cheaper (hallelujah!).  He spoke about the history of our government and how different it is compared to other governments, (i.e. for example the leadership styles of Fidel Castro, North Korea, etc).  Each teen walked away with pamphlets outlining the Constitution, and the Declaration of Independence. 

Lanza seems like a really genuine guy.  After his speech was over and I was talking to him on the side it turns out that my sister Mandy coaches his daughter's high school soccer team. His face lit up as he told me, "We LOVE your sister!  She has made our daughter enjoy soccer and she's a riot to watch on the sidelines" (Mandy gets pretty animated towards the refs if your wondering ;). 

The Senator was gracious enough to come out, on a Friday night at 8:00pm no less, to speak with a bunch of middle school and high school kids.  That's pretty cool.  I even found out through one of his staff members that he had missed his son's basketball game for this.  Wow.

Here's a picture of the Senator and I...

Many of the teens stayed afterwards to take pictures with Andrew Lanza.  I love offering workshops and presentations for my teens.  If anyone knows of a great presentation or speaker that would be interested in speaking at one of my programs, please let me know as I am always on the lookout!