Tales from a Sparrow

This morning I went for a run in Clove Lakes Park.  On my second lap around the lake I noticed a sparrow just sitting on the asphalt trail.  I ran past it and the small, grey bird didn’t flinch which I thought was odd; (usually birds will flutter away a few feet when you get too close).  So I continued on my run not thinking much of it. 

On my third lap I saw the same bird in obvious distress; it was collapsed on the floor and only flapping one wing violently back and forth.  I saw a parks department official standing nearby and flagged her down.  “Yes we are aware and someone’s coming for it”.

 

Being a lover of all creatures, I continued on my run with a heavy conscience.  I did not have my cell phone or my car so I would have to carry him home.  I did not have anything to carry the poor thing in so I would need to borrow a blanket.  Maybe the parks workers would have something I could carry him in.  Where could I take a sick bird?  My vet only deals with cats and dogs.  Would his care be expensive?  I have work so I would need my mom to take him somewhere.  I kept vacillating back and forth between a million different decisions.

 

Finally, halfway through my lap I decided I would take him if no one else would.  I already had visions of nursing him back to health, (maybe it was just a broken wing) and releasing him back into the wild. 

 

Rounding the baseball field on my fourth lap I did not see the bird anywhere on the ground.  I asked a worker standing nearby where it was and she said on the grass. She mentioned an unfamiliar organization that was coming to get it.  I found the sparrow lying on leaf by a tree with a small, elderly, Hispanic woman hunched over the bird gently stroking its feathers with a stick.  “He dead,” she said in a thick, Spang-lish accent.  I looked at the little thing and became overwhelmingly upset.  I know many people do not understand this feeling or cannot relate, but it is really hard for me to articulate just how much I appreciate and am in awe of animals.  It is true that I am freakishly devoted to animals; indeed I prefer them to humans even.  The sparrow laid there motionless; it was obvious he had passed.  I left him there and continued on my run ruminating.  On my fifth lap around I searched for the bird again, hoping to see it hopping away fine, but it was gone. 

I do some of my best thinking while running.  On my way home I thought about the whole situation.  I spent more time thinking and planning on what to do than action.  Obviously, if in the moment I saw him, and if I took him, I would not have gotten any help in time because he died in probably less than 20 minutes.  I had no wallet or ID and I would have had to run with him all the way home, (which is easily 25 minutes away from where I was).  The situation got me thinking on a much more abstract, philosophical level, almost to the extent where it had nothing to do with the bird.  We spend so much of our lives worrying, planning, backtracking, weighing options, regretting, etc. We waste our lives in dead end jobs or relationships because we always think that it is too hard to go searching for something new.  There is never enough time; there is never enough money, so you put off what you could have done today for tomorrow, which becomes the day after that, and the day after that.  The bird made me realize just how profound the idea that every second you wait is a second wasted.

It also struck me how something that was seemingly healthy not 15 minutes ago was now gone.  It makes one appreciate just how precious life is.  In hindsight, I would not have been able to save this little bird.  But it made me realize just how much time I personally spend on making decisions without living in the moment.  The heroine in me would have scooped the bird up immediately and ran like Hermes all the way back to my house.  However the planner in me made me hesitate and weigh all the options before deciding on a course of action.  Obviously, life calls for decision making and weighing the pros and cons of every situation.  But wouldn’t it be liberating to just once in awhile do away with reason and logic and live passionately and presently in the moment on a whim?  I think a lot of great thinkers, leaders, and revolutionaries shared this impulsive trait.  Conversely, I also suppose that this is a cause for many great failures and defeats throughout history.  Ultimately, I guess life is a gamble, risk takers can win big or lose it all, and the majority of us are just clumped somewhere in the middle. 

Self-doubt, lack of self- confidence, feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure, the lack of resources, and a countless number of other variables all contribute to the demise of our dreams and goals.  Although my stream of consciousness has grossly digressed from that of a tale about a dead bird to the quest for self-actualization, I feel that the moral here is do act sometimes on intuition and gut feelings rather than on rhyme and reason.  Sometimes, it’s just more fulfilling that way.

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new”

BRIDESMAIDS ASSEMBLE!

I never knew how difficult choosing bridesmaids and planning how to announce them would be.  Truthfully, there are so many meaningful and special girlfriends that I have had throughout my life that it was so hard to hone down a select few.  I wish I could make everyone a bridesmaid, but sadly it is cost prohibitive and gets wayyy to crazy.   

Last night was my surprise announcement to 9 very special ladies, (one being in Ohio).    We went to South Fin Grill on Father Capodanno Boulevard for dinner and drinks at around 8pm.  I was so excited; prepping for this event literally took me months.  I had been collecting little trinkets I found in stores, and ordering things off amazon and groupon, just for this special occasion. 

At Home Goods my sister and I found memorabilia boxes that are shaped like fake books. I bought one for each bridesmaid and then ordered 8 copies of “The Bridesmaid Guide: Modern Advice on Etiquette, Parties, and Being Fabulous” off amazon to place inside the Home Goods books.  Since some of my ladies are newbies at being a bridesmaid, I thought it would be a cute idea to get them started on the right foot with a “How To” book.  For Mandy, I bought her a guide for her maid of honor role, (a title to which she’s been vehemently guarding against other contenders like LJ!!)

I also included ring pops, little notepads with my own personal inscription reading, “Take notes because I am going to be a Bridezilla!” and a picture of me and each bridesmaid crazy glued in each book.  A cute little keepsake box for each one of my gals. 

Finding bridesmaids’ cards was difficult.  I found a few blank cards with pretty flower girls on the cover made by Papyrus.  They were perfect…and perfectly expensive.  My friend Laura remarked, “well somebody must be doing well” when she opened her card, HAHA!!

I rhinstoned each one of their cards that asked them if they would be my bridesmaid, which literally took hours.  I perfected the art of gluing the tiny stones on with tweezers.  Although I destroyed my good tweezers, and still can’t get the glue off my fingers, I am so happy with the finished product!  My poor dog accidentally rolled in my arts and crafts area which means I currently have a bedazzled pooch parading around my house, but it’s OK because she now looks fabulous. 

Before we sat at the dinner table I arranged everyone’s books around the table.  When my ladies arrived they had to search for which book was theirs. I had included tons of tiny crystals, easter grass, (the kind in the bottom of raffle baskets) and confetti which got everywhere, (messes are always fun!).

After dinner I still had one more surprise for the girls.  I needed it to be dark out, and I needed to be by the ocean. My final surprise called for a dinner by the boardwalk which is why I chose South Fin in the first place.  Months ago I had bought Sky Lanterns off of Groupon.  The advertisement boasted that it was 100% biodegradable, guaranteed to fly and flame retardant.  From my understanding, it is Chinese tradition to send these lanterns off during holidays like Chinese New Year; it’s a symbol of good luck. 

I gave each one of my surprised ladies their very own lantern to light.  The lanterns were supposed to look like this:

But wound up looking more like this:

None would catch fire or float!  We had random, seedy strangers staring at us on the boardwalk screaming, “Yo girls are startin' fires yo!”  I think the wind played a big factor in my surprise’s demise.  We had to move away from the building because SOMEBODY decided to get married in the hall and I didn’t want to set their celebration ablaze.  How rude!

So picture 9 shivering ladies standing on a dark boardwalk with giant white paper bags, (that looked like cartoon grandma bloomers) trying to set fire to each and letting them go in the wind.  Hysterical.  I honestly did not think it would be as dangerous as it was.  The Chinese must have massive brushfires the day after New Year’s.  Finally, we succeeded in getting one to light, only to let it go and have it smash into a railing and crumble in a fiery heap on the boardwalk.  Stomping out a fire in tiny Steve Madden flip flops was definitely the highlight of my night.  Thankfully, my bridesmaid Laura exacted her first duty by joining me in stomping out the flames in her size 5 stiletto heels.  HAHA!!

So now I have about 30 extra lanterns collecting dust in my closet at home.  (I REALLY liked the lanterns).  In hindsight, the best place to do this would probably be on a boat in the open ocean.

 So, with charred feet and all, I would like to thank each one of my girl’s for accepting my invitation to be my bridesmaid.  They got me through life when it was hard to get through on my own, and each ofd them will always be there no matter how much time elapses or how much distance separates us-thank you Laura A., Laura C., Jen N, Jen M., Maureen, Krissy, Lana & Katie for being a part of my new journey!

And the biggest thank you to my sister, Mandy, my Maid of Honor, (as if there honestly was any doubt!).     

Also, a big shout out to the rain, because I was seriously concerned that a rogue ember would light that boardwalk up after we left and papers the next day would have captions like “Bridesmaids from Hell!”